Poeming is for life. And pretentious cunts! And weirdos. I'm a bit of everything…
My Love,
Skanky slut whore bitch!
Shit and piss,
All in your mouth.
And fart gas.
I stabbed an African,
Toddler in its arm,
Then drank its blood.
His mum laughed.
What a horrible cow!
Buggers will bugger.
I love Jesus.
I hate faggots.
Use my shit,
As toothpaste.
Your undercrackers,
Are inside out.
Steeeeeeeeeeve!
An absolute slobberknocker,
With a gaping twat!
Chasm of Despair.
Clout.
Quim.
Fanny.
Slapper!
Fuck off!
Lots of love,
Ed.
Awkward silences,
And no alibi,
Anywhere in sight.
A trip to the loo,
Or, if you will, can.
Where are you from?
Caerphilly!
A terrible whiff,
Emanates from the aga.
Not very chic,
With her cough and wheeze.
What are you on?
Vodka Martini?
Let me just check.
Oh, flippin’ heck!
You’ll have to have Campari.
The puppy did whelp:
Unsure what for.
It perhaps isn’t wise,
To second guess,
The evil cat,
But what could I do?
It was far too much fun!
He dresses like,
Mick Foley.
Tw@!
Did it hurt?
When you got poked,
In the eye,
For being a dickhead?
Whistly nose;
What’s that all about?
Time for makeup,
Or time to wake up?
Aaaaaaaaaaaarse!
He dresses like,
Mick Foley.
Nobber!
Shitty fingers,
Covered in pooh,
With faeces on them.
Bald cunt!
Hairy arse!
Massive bollocks!
Shut your face, Gary!
Read my lips.
I got them tattooed,
With a passage from,
The Qu’ran.
So, obviously,
It’s a load of nonsense!
He dresses like,
Mick Foley.
Tosspot!
Tit me up, baby!
Squeeze my nipples.
Mmmmm, feels so good!
Trollops!
Lesbians!
Everywhere you go,
There’s a chip shop.
Slappers!
Good old,
Clam jousting session.
Scissor me timbers!
Harpies!
One in her mouth.
One in her minge.
One in her arsehole.
Skanks!
Her husband sleeps,
While gobbles up,
His brother’s spunk.
Whores!
Back seat in a car,
Filled with blokes,
Getting fingered by each.
Tramps!
It’s a laugh though.
A couple of G’s;
An R and an E;
An I and an N.
Six seemingly,
Harmless letters.
When arranged in,
A certain order,
Have the power,
To cause uproar.
Oppressed and teased,
For the longest time;
These people have,
Committed no real crime.
Despite this fact,
The prejudice remains;
No matter what happens,
The beast won’t be slain.
A couple of G’s;
An R and an E;
An I and an N.
The alphabet had,
No idea it could,
Create such controversy.
A term that has,
Tainted and disgraced,
An entire people.
It isn’t fair nor right,
That people should suffer,
The bullying and teasing,
They get from another,
For something as trivial,
As the way they appear.
Do people not realise,
That their words cause tears?
Leave us alone!
You can’t say that word!
We won’t stand for it!
We’ll fight to be heard!
Only a ginger,
Can call another ginger,
Ginger.
Respect to Tim Minchin,
Bitches!
What?!
You lost your mittens,
You naughty kittens?
You shall have to die!
Little twats!
Cost me £7.50,
A piece,
From Next those did!
I’m not made of money!
And there are six of you!
And you each have,
Four paws!
And you lost every mitten!
Bastards!
Ungrateful,
Absent-minded,
Bastards!
Gary Glitter.
Missed him off,
My list of legends,
The other day.
Lick my spaff.
Finger your own,
Sphincter.
With a screwdriver.
Can I borrow,
Your sock?
Jizz stains,
On your collar.
You been sucking,
Men off for,
Magic beans again,
Steve?
*Cocks shotgun*
BANG!!!
One kitten down.
Who’s next?
Piss in me!
Haulage,
Of a cunt.
I don’t know,
Anal sex.
The ship has,
A hairy of a few weeks.
A load up,
And butters and I was.
Predictive text,
Is funny!
Adolf Hitler,
Gets a rough ride.
I think he was,
Fucking brilliant myself.
A guy kills a few,
Jews,
And never hears,
The last of it.
Pfffffft!
Antisemitic.
If you say so.
Harry Belafonte,
Slapped a turkey,
For its heresy,
Then made a cup,
Of Bovril,
And a meat pie.
Glasses.
BJÖRK!!!
Relatable fantasies,
Of the cereal killer kind.
Boxes of Kellog’s Cornflakes,
Shall layeth down their lives!
The beard,
Maketh the man!
The bear,
Maketh the shit,
In the woods.
Snarflugminj!
Rolf Harris.
Stuart Hall.
Jimmy Saville.
May their legends,
Live on!
Heroes all!
Fancy a shag, dear?
It doesn’t matter,
That you’re dead.
I’m not fussy.
I’ll stick,
the heating on.
You feel a trifle cold.
Uncle John.
She drives me crazy;
Ooh-ooooh!
Walter White,
Smacked his bitch up.
An eye for an eye;
A finger for a finger;
Arse, arse, arse,
And cheesy Wotsits.
Grindlwaldenhoffen!
Craggy face,
Like the lovechild,
Of Bill Murray,
And Rob Brydon.
Also Balmudo from Grease.
Like no-one else;
Ooh-ooooh!
You have to respect,
Josef Fritzl though.
He had a dream,
And he lived it!
I’m gonna shoot me load,
Up yer girlfriend’s twat.
How ’bout that?
Spam ‘n’ gam.
Tickle a trout,
With a dog’s lipstick.
My advice would be,
To thump her one!
She drives me crazy;
I can’t help myself;
Ooh-ooooh!
Can I borrow,
Your sock,
Sock, sock,
Sock, sock,
Sock, sock,
Sock, sock?
Geronimo!
Off Daniel flew,
And then fell.
Now he’s dead.
Stupid fucking cunt!
Brokeback bastards!
The benders are here!
Poppers on the radiator;
Arseholes gaping.
Shit everywhere!
Can I borrow,
Your sock,
Sock, sock,
Sock, sock…
Shock therapy!
Lasagne,
And garlic bread.
Wasted dreams,
For baked beans.
Slotting it in,
Like shag in a pipe.
I don’t smoke a,
Pipe, pipe, pipe,
Pipe, pipe, pipe…
Can I borrow,
Your sock?
Edwin Saxton–The Poeming Genius 