Drawing pin.

Paperclip.

Coronation Street.

Leyton Orient.

Honey badger.

Spoon out my eyeball,
And fuck the socket.

Anorak.

Plasma screen TV.

Creamy gusset.

Penny Farthing.

Infected dickhole.

Chop off my helmet,
Stick it up your bum,
And sew your shithole shut.

Cloudesley Shovell.

Broken clock.

Right twice a day.

Celery stick.

Chalky Chawner.

Maybe you should,
Show me your,
Rusty sheriff badge.

Tastes like salmon.
The devil helped himself,
To a Pot Noodle,
From the cupboard.
He was enjoying it,
Until he bit his tongue.
He destroyed,
A nursery,
In his ire.
A busy nursery.

The bear’s long penis,
Hammers the back,
Of my throat.
I’m kinda turned on.

Smear the shit,
Across his chest.
Lick it off.
Throw it up,
Into his mouth.

Welcome, Keithfred!
We were expecting you,
To be much taller,
But you’ve,
A hell of an arse!
Commence with your,
Group wank,
In Room 304.

Tastes like salmon.

Pity the poor trainer,
In the stable,
When the racehorse farts.

Removal,
And safe disposal,
Of Hitler’s testicle.

The Muslim woman,
Sat at the breakfast bar,
With her Jewish fuck buddy,
Each tucking into,
A bacon sammich.
Nommies!

If I may talk,
Momentarily,
And candidly,
About,
My,
Sexual preferences,
Your life would be,
Completely unaltered,
As it is literally,
Nobody’s,
Business,
But,
My,
Own.
If only more folk,
Felt the same…

MAAAIIIIII,
EYE-DEN-TITTY,
DOE!!!

No one cares,
Budlinski!
Piss off!

You’ll never be a sailor,
If your balls hang low.

Fishy-fishy-fish-fish,
Swimming in the sea,
Will you bite my dangling bait,
And become a wholesome tea?

Or dinner,
Depending on where,
You’re from.

Bloody Germans!

George Floyd,
And the Massive Lips.

Shortly after,
Shirley gave Bertram,
The old heave-ho,
Then fingered herself,
With a Wispa Gold.

Bacon;
Hash brown;
Cheese;
Mushrooms;
Tomato.
That’s what my ideal,
Breakfast barm would,
Have on it.

Welcome to my crack den!
The used needles,
Are in the far corner.
Crack on.
Ha!—Get it?

I do wish that,
People would stop,
Walking about behind me.
They might see,
What I’m writing,
And have me committed!

Noncey incestuous buggery!

I reserve the right,
To call you mean names,
Whenever I,
So choose,
And there ain’t,
A damned thing,
You can do about it,
Fatty!

Lard arse!

We saw,
What we saw.
A seesaw,
Margery Daw,
“No escaping the maw,
Of common law,”
Said the macaw.

Walking neck-deep,
Upstream,
In a river of shit,
With your mouth open.
A day in the life,
Of the poor man.
Yet some poor men,
Still defend,
Runaway capitalism.
Fucking spastics!

Onto more serious matters…

I ate a sammich,
Made out of,
Dead puppies.
Humanely slaughtered,
Of course.
I’m no barbarian!

Oh deer!
I shot a dear!
Wear?
Somewear over their.
It had brown hare,
And ran up the stares.
Luck, but don’t touché.

I know you are,
I said you are,
But what am I?

Twat!
I stubbed my little toe,
On your mam’s bed,
After I gave her,
A load of my,
Jism.

“Me mam’s dead,”
You retort.

“Yeah, and? 🤷🏼‍♂️”
I fire back.

NECRO-FUCKING-PHILIA, BITCH!

The seas parted,
To reveal,
An anvil.
Moses was most perplexed.
Superplexed,
Off the top turnbuckle.

Two hours.
One-hundred and twenty minutes.
Seven thousand two hundred seconds.
The lesbian,
Fapped hard,
Thinking of,
A rock-hard cock,
As always.
The pain caused,
By men,
Was just too much,
To bear any longer,
But, boy oh boy,
Did she still crave,
Dat diiiiiiiick!

Imagine devoting yourself,
To the preachings,
Of a paedophile though!
Two billion people do.
Hmmmmm 🤨

Don’t get your burqa,
In a twist.
It’s just a joke.
Maybe…

Dog turd.

Hey girls!
B-Boys!
Superstar Poemists!
Here we go…

His belly rumbles;
A warning most dire.
A deep, bassy grumble;
This sex is on fire.

“It hurts”, he mutters;
Stuck in a mire.
Nobody gives a shit;
Let it roll like a Mack truck tyre.

In ire, he bellows;
“God loves a trier!”
Your love keeps lifting me,
Higher and higher.

Our elders are scared;
They avoid our stares;
They don’t know the similarity,
Between Common and Roy Ayers;
I guess, to you,
We’re all players!

This ain’t plagiarism!
This is,
Original pirate material,
You’re listening to Ed Sax,
Lock down your aerial!

Has it comes to this?

Silly slag.
Old hag.
Boring nag.
Shit shag.

Lick my taint;
Try not to faint.

I’mma give dat ass room,
Better yet,
Lets fuck in the bathroom,
If we have room,
It’s a full moon.

Now I’m bored.
Fuck off!