I reserve the right,
To call you mean names,
Whenever I,
So choose,
And there ain’t,
A damned thing,
You can do about it,
Fatty!

Lard arse!

We saw,
What we saw.
A seesaw,
Margery Daw,
“No escaping the maw,
Of common law,”
Said the macaw.

Walking neck-deep,
Upstream,
In a river of shit,
With your mouth open.
A day in the life,
Of the poor man.
Yet some poor men,
Still defend,
Runaway capitalism.
Fucking spastics!

Onto more serious matters…

I ate a sammich,
Made out of,
Dead puppies.
Humanely slaughtered,
Of course.
I’m no barbarian!

Oh deer!
I shot a dear!
Wear?
Somewear over their.
It had brown hare,
And ran up the stares.
Luck, but don’t touché.

I know you are,
I said you are,
But what am I?

Twat!
I stubbed my little toe,
On your mam’s bed,
After I gave her,
A load of my,
Jism.

“Me mam’s dead,”
You retort.

“Yeah, and? 🤷🏼‍♂️”
I fire back.

NECRO-FUCKING-PHILIA, BITCH!

The seas parted,
To reveal,
An anvil.
Moses was most perplexed.
Superplexed,
Off the top turnbuckle.

Two hours.
One-hundred and twenty minutes.
Seven thousand two hundred seconds.
The lesbian,
Fapped hard,
Thinking of,
A rock-hard cock,
As always.
The pain caused,
By men,
Was just too much,
To bear any longer,
But, boy oh boy,
Did she still crave,
Dat diiiiiiiick!

Imagine devoting yourself,
To the preachings,
Of a paedophile though!
Two billion people do.
Hmmmmm 🤨

Don’t get your burqa,
In a twist.
It’s just a joke.
Maybe…

Dog turd.

Hey girls!
B-Boys!
Superstar Poemists!
Here we go…

His belly rumbles;
A warning most dire.
A deep, bassy grumble;
This sex is on fire.

“It hurts”, he mutters;
Stuck in a mire.
Nobody gives a shit;
Let it roll like a Mack truck tyre.

In ire, he bellows;
“God loves a trier!”
Your love keeps lifting me,
Higher and higher.

Our elders are scared;
They avoid our stares;
They don’t know the similarity,
Between Common and Roy Ayers;
I guess, to you,
We’re all players!

This ain’t plagiarism!
This is,
Original pirate material,
You’re listening to Ed Sax,
Lock down your aerial!

Has it comes to this?

Silly slag.
Old hag.
Boring nag.
Shit shag.

Lick my taint;
Try not to faint.

I’mma give dat ass room,
Better yet,
Lets fuck in the bathroom,
If we have room,
It’s a full moon.

Now I’m bored.
Fuck off!

I shall attempt,
Not to swear,
For the duration,
Of this poem.

No promises.

John Cena.
Your time is up,
My time,
Is 17:15 GMT.
You silly sausage.
Daft apeth.
Blinking wazzock!

I did a wee-wee,
Out of my willy,
And a pooh,
Out of my bum.
Then I had intercourse,
Numerous times,
With your mum.
She has big breasts,
A fishy tuppence,
And loves ejaculate,
Inside of her.

Promiscuous harlot!

Jack, be nimble;
Jack, be quick;
Jack, get on your knees,
And suck on this…

Dick Turpin.
Donald Fart.
Sorry, Trump.

Briefly,
I felt sorry,
For Jeckle O’Shibbledook,
Until I saw,
What was in his,
Underpants.
Ambrosia custard.
Would you believe it?

The Erection Section.
Sponsored by,
Toys R Us.
A Lego building competition,
Is all.

Flipping Nora!

GET YER RAT OOT!!!

I watched,
With wide-eyed fascination,
As my beautiful wife,
Got fisted,
In the arse,
By a 6’6″,
Nigerian.

So fucking hot!

Sally,
In the corner,
Of the pub,
Getting finger blasted,
While her fella,
Shoots his load,
Up the babysitter,
Back at home.

DYYYYYYYYSFUNCTIONAL!!!

At the dawn,
Of a new day,
Fungal nail infection,
And chips,
With a side,
Of asbestos.
Nommies!

Bum his bum.
Arse his arse.
Faggot!
Adam’s apple.
Steve’s strawberry.
Barry’s banana.
Colin’s clementine.
Fist my pisshole.

Dickhead!

Fucking cunt!

Stupid pillock!

A little bit angry.