Past Participle—Welcome to Billinge

I took your method,
And made it better.
The fuck you gonna,
Do about it,
Dave Samuals?

Imitation,
Is the finest form,
Of flattery,
Until the student,
Becomes the master.
I transcended mastery,
And became omnipotent!

Anyway,
Onto more,
Serious matters;
Dog farts.
They taste great.

Crimea should surely,
Be the crime capital,
Of the world,
But Liverpool exists.
You’ll never walk alone,
On a dark street,
And your wallet,
Be safe from a scrote.

Scousers 🤮

S****horpe—Back, Sack, and Crackpipe

Can I borrow,
Your sock?

There once was,
A vicar called Reg,
Who ate an,
Awful lot of veg.
His tits were droopy,
His mum was loopy,
And he liked,
To finger her arsehole,
On occasion.

I’m extremely attractive.
But I smell,
Of leeks,
And sheep shit.
Because I’m Welsh.

Snort a line,
Off my shaft.
Then bum,
My bum.

A shout-out,
To my homies,
The non-binary guys:
You’re weird cunts,
And you need,
To fuck off!
Cretins!

I’m Edwin Saxton—I Do What I Like

It might be hard,
For you to accept,
But I,
Am like,
The motherfuckin’,
Dwayne Johnson,
Of poeming.
I turn up,
Do stuff,
Then do other shit,
For ages.

Deal with it!

Bitch!

Rock the bells!
Rock the bellends!
Rock the balls!
Run DMC,
Ain’t got shit on me!
I rhymed and everything,
Just then.

Cow!

Tommy Two-Shits;
The man,
The myth,
The legend!

Skank!

Can you smeeeeeeeeelllllll,
What the Ed-Sax,
Is cookin’?

Tone Death—Tight Pants

James McClean is a cunt!

Breathe in,
My fart.
Call me,
Sexy.

Can my friend,
Borrow your sock,
Sock, sock, sock,
Sock, sock, sock,
Sock?

Will you go,
With my mate?

A piece of shit.
Your mum’s,
Eating her,
Sister’s cunt,
And a Twix.

Hahaha.
Ha!
Ha-ha-haaaaaa!
Tee-hee-hee!
Gary Glitter.

Condoms are great,
For what they are,
But I’d rather,
Shoot my load,
In you…

…r sock.

The X Walten Files—The Nelson Mandela Catalogue

Fresh out the gate,
A tired, old hag.
Something, something eight,
A dirty, fat slag.

Washing machines,
Last longer with,
Peans.
Not quite peas;
Not quite beans.
But something special,
In-betweens.

It is,
Fucking massive!

Squeezy,
Cheesy,
Peas.

Peans.
Ooooooooooooh!
Ooh–ooh–dr–dripping!

Now,
If you would indulge,
Me,
I,
Would like to direct,
Your attention,
Towards,
An alternative.

Tits.

Show us your wife’s,
Sock.
Peans.
Tits.

Creepy music,
And paranormal shit.
Yuri Gagarin’s,
Tits.

Tit Nipples—FAFO (Fat Angela’s Fanny’s Out)

Can you show me the way,
To the residence of one,
Nigel Reo-Coker?
I have a (cocaine),
Package to deliver to,
Hymn.
Sorry, him.

Sweaty wanker!
Kamran.

The swollen bellend,
Of the transwoman,
Smells of brie,
And shame.

“Wemplormanaprixitle,”
Spinkley doth declare,
Pointing at Blomheim,
With shit,
Under his fingernail.

Jimmy Fingernail.

Fingernail.

Finger your dad’s jappy.

Fingernail.

Stupid cunt!

Shine a Light—Line o’ Shite

MURGATROYD!!!!

Personally, I believe,
Your mum should,
Know better.

Where once walked,
Warwick’s wellies,
Awash with Wilf’s wee.

And spunk.

Tit your nan up,
And finger her.

I was a good man,
Once.
Nonce.
Alphonse.
Attendonce.

Wrexham.
You’re still a shithole!

It doesn’t matter,
Does it?
We’re still,
All gonna die 🤷🏼‍♂️

XERXES!

Kierkegaard’s Tears–Triple Dogmaels

Power to the,
Piss lips!
Laurel Hubbard’s,
Piss lips.

Shart!
Ne’er you mind.

Renault Twingo.
All that furore,
In suburban Charlotte NC,
Took its toll,
On Judith Chalmers.
Never filmed an episode,
Of Wish You Were Here,
There again.

Haha-ha-ha,
Ha-hahaha-haha,
Haha-haha-haha,
Ah-hahahaha-ha.
Ha.

A crackin’ pair o’ knockers.
Vials of blood.
How d’ya do, cockers?
What a load o’ crud!
Beta blockers.
A nice baked spud.
Tick-tick-tockers.
The bomb was a dud.

Might be tough,
For you to comprehend,
But trannies should compete,
In their own category.
Or have their own Olympics,
That nobody would watch.

Fuck off Laurel!
Cheating cunt!

Geoff Lives Matter–Djibouti Dreamin’

Desk fans in Market Harborough,
All sold to the,
Tall Nazi called Fritz.

The big question,
Of course,
Is as follows:
Who is the sexiest paedophile?

Lester Burton can swivel.
Gonorrhoea friction burns.
Wank me off,
With your arse.

Oi!
You there!
Empty your balls,
Up my bum,
Or I’ll tell everyone,
You’re a fucking faggot!

Tits.
Knockers.
And funbags.
Clam jouster.