Author: edwinsaxton

I like poeming and plan to do so on here. I don't expect people to like it, but then the best artists are never fully understood in their own time. Just know that I'm better than you! CYMRU AM BYTH!!!

Blues Riff In F Major–A Twat In A Hat

Onto something,
A little more,
Serious.
Did we ever discover,
If Dankle Wheezemop,
Was the infamous,
Roof tile thief?

Take an antacid,
And stop whining!

Goodness gracious!
What a terrible mess!
Ostrich feathers,
And gloom juice,
Combine to make,
A substance hitherto,
Unknown to science.

A pair of glassus.
“Can I,”
She started,
“Borrow,”
She continued,
“Your sock?”
She asked.

Infertility,
Is no laughing matter.
Tee-hee-hee.

Codswallop!
Finger us arse.
Get a dildo,
And poke yourself,
In the eye.

Chimbonda–Call Pon Dem

Wand; wand;
A magic wand.
Phil Mitchell,
And Grant,
Causing havoc,
In a nursing home.

If Bill is Ben,
And Mario is Luigi,
Who’s Larry?

LARRYYYYYYYY!!!

Peanuts,
Go on the outside,
Of the clothes,
You stupid twat!

Shell suit.
Heroes in a house shell.
Shelley Duvall.
Shellfish.
Shelf.

A shoe,
With shit on the sole,
Stood on the,
Shagpile rug.
Dhole shit,
No less.

Tinker, tailor,
Soldier, cardinal.
Let us go to,
The Bishop’s Secret,
For pints and a chat.
I have a plan!

Bunions,
Of all things!

A Love So Pure–Angels Sigh

Nigel Reo-Coker;
Nigel Reo-Coker;
I never met Bram Stoker,
Thanks to Nigel Reo-Coker.

Nigel Reo-Coker;
Nigel Reo-Coker;
I lost a game of poker,
Because of Nigel Reo-Coker.

Nigel Reo-Coker;
Nigel Reo-Coker;
Colombians harvest coca,
All for Nigel Reo-Coker.

Nigel Reo-Coker;
Nigel Reo-Coker;
Batman defeated Joker,
With help from Nigel Reo-Coker.

Nigel Reo-Coker;
Nigel Reo-Coker;
My brother’s a stock broker,
In homage to Nigel Reo-Coker.

Nigel Reo-Coker;
Nigel Reo-Coker;
I started wearing a choker,
To turn on Nigel Reo-Coker.

Nigel Reo-Coker;
Nigel Reo-Coker;
My dad is a weed smoker,
To appease Nigel Reo-Coker.

Nigel Reo-Coker;
Nigel Reo-Coker;
The incessant snoring woke her,
Now she’s Nigel Reo-Coker.

Riddled With Clap–The Ballad of Rumpy Spinkles

Which came first:
Cheese or chives?
Rapid Response Team.
Swagger Jagger.

Ninety-six.
Over to you,
In the studio,
Rick Gothenberg.

Meet your maker,
iPod Shuffle.
“Fuck you, Steve Jobs!
You’re a cunt!
And you smell!”
Blimey!
A bit o’ gratitude,
Wouldn’t have gone amiss…

Ninety-six.
Walk into the pit,
Filled with shit.
The whole thing.
Burgers from Wimpy;
Ren & Stimpy.
Ninety-six.

Thought you’d won,
But your arse,
Was too hairy.
Shoot a load,
Up your mum’s twat.
Impregnate her.
Have a brother-son,
Louisiana man.

The Joke’s On You–Chris Kamara’s Moustache

Retrograde orbit,
Is what the tangerine,
Went into around,
Mercury.
Imagine that:
A tangerine moon.

Flick the bean!
Grope the nurse.
Massive tits.
A sad story,
Of halitosis,
And a wasted dream.

Will you have,
The strength inside,
To drape a bollock,
Over each of her eyes?

Norm from Cheers;
Ray from Ghostbusters.
Dick in hand,
With warts all,
Over it.

Abreeeeeeeeeeeee!

Dropsy.
Bloody dropsy,
I tell thee!

Fart Hotbox–Blouses Off, Birds!

Gimp!
Underdressed for the trip,
To his granny’s house.
Granny don’t mind.
In fact,
She’s quite turned on.

L’Oréal.
Laurialle.
Fish fingers,
With chapatis.
All broken toys,
Must be sent to Mansfield.

I’m a Morris dancer;
Morris dancer for money.
I’ll do what you,
Want me to do.

Who’s Grant Haygarth?
Who’s Phil Futcher?
Gravy cakes;
You just don’t know-oh!
Beast from the East.

“What time,
Do you call this?”
Dorothy enquires.
Bill’s dick smells,
Of Nigel’s arse.
Get outta this one!

Wilhelmina–Fuck’n Reight, Man!

Willy, willy, willy.
And todger.
And winkie.

Between you and me,
(And don’t let it,
Go any further),
I don’t half,
Need a shit!

Pop the balloon,
Using only your conk.
“Detritus!” she cried.
“Detritus all around!”
She was right.

A shame.
A damned shame.
All I have to offer,
Is sarcasm,
And a trainer,
With dog shit,
On the bottom.
Will that suffice?

Lonely badger.
Empty platitudes.
Fallen heroes.
Do we salute,
And regale,
The sperms,
That don’t make it?

Tide Pod Dreaming–Oxidation of Spackles

Brick the toilet wall.
Don’t eat asparagus,
Unless you desire,
Smelly wee.

On your bike!
Show them your,
Gentle side.
And Wrexham,
Washed a barnacle.

Brick the toilet wall.
Old habits,
Kiss a socks.
A pants.
A glassus.
Vibratronic!

Stumpy Rogers,
Chuckles O’Casey,
Curtains DeMarco,
Shampoo LeStrange.
Tripping balls!

Can I borrow your sock?

Brick the toilet wall.
Wraith of Sparta.
Rock the bells,
Was an optimistic,
Point of view.
Very droll!

Nostril–Nostril

Stop the train!
There’s a dick on it!
Demiratolasis.
Clock-click-clack.

Burton-upon-Trent,
For tea tonight.
With chips.
Touch the arse.
So hairy and sweaty.
Yeltzin.

Gonorrhea,
For the ladies.
Big, horrible, dirty,
Sweaty, greasy, shitty,
Rotten, minging kebab.
No salad!
Do I look like,
I eat salad, Sabu?!

Will you drop,
Your pants and,
Show me your shitter?
Clock-cleck-cluck.
Ching-chong Chinaman.

Sperm in your cunt.
You slag!
Hit me, baby, one more,
Brian.
By Bruce Forsyth’s chin!