Tits—On A Boar

She got a light-skinned friend,
Look like Kevin Bacon;
Got a dark-skinned friend,
Look like Kevin Bacon.

On the job.
On the blob.
Do her in the shitter,
Instead.

Have you ever seen,
A maggot?
A faggot,
In gravy.
Mr Brain.

Push her,
Down the stairs,
If she won’t,
Do as she’s told.
That’ll learn her!

The rings of Uranus,
Glimmer and gleam,
They do not.
They’re too dark,
You see.
Low albedo,
And all that shite.

Only one nipple,
And two gigantic bollocks.
Man milk.

I played Ready for the World,
She was ready for some action,
My dawg said you ain’t no freak,
So you ’bout to prove my man wrong

I’ll Have a Pint of Mild—Make It a Double

Ip, dip, dogshit,
Cunt!

Cunt!

Cocaine up the bum.
Hidden from your mum.

Faggotry of the highest,
Odour.
Dominatrix,
Of the ballbag.

Cocaine up the shitter.
Morgan Stanley Dean Witter.

Terrible twos!
Terrible twos!

Cunt!

You have to,
Shit my pants.

Little Tommy Tucker,
Was a naughty little fella.
Thomas Brian Wilford Two-Shits.
He’s better than you.
Cope harder!

Hardon.

Cocaine up the arse.
The larder is fucking sparse.

Fat women,
If you hate being,
Body shamed,
Stop being fat.
And grotesque.
Fatty!

Diabeetus!

Cunt!

Cracker, Please—Welsh Lives Matter

I shall attempt,
Not to swear,
For the duration,
Of this poem.

No promises.

John Cena.
Your time is up,
My time,
Is 17:15 GMT.
You silly sausage.
Daft apeth.
Blinking wazzock!

I did a wee-wee,
Out of my willy,
And a pooh,
Out of my bum.
Then I had intercourse,
Numerous times,
With your mum.
She has big breasts,
A fishy tuppence,
And loves ejaculate,
Inside of her.

Promiscuous harlot!

Jack, be nimble;
Jack, be quick;
Jack, get on your knees,
And suck on this…

Dick Turpin.
Donald Fart.
Sorry, Trump.

Briefly,
I felt sorry,
For Jeckle O’Shibbledook,
Until I saw,
What was in his,
Underpants.
Ambrosia custard.
Would you believe it?

The Erection Section.
Sponsored by,
Toys R Us.
A Lego building competition,
Is all.

Flipping Nora!

On the Pull in Haverfordwest—The Sordid Capers of Tom O’Hawke & Patty O’Dawes

GET YER RAT OOT!!!

I watched,
With wide-eyed fascination,
As my beautiful wife,
Got fisted,
In the arse,
By a 6’6″,
Nigerian.

So fucking hot!

Sally,
In the corner,
Of the pub,
Getting finger blasted,
While her fella,
Shoots his load,
Up the babysitter,
Back at home.

DYYYYYYYYSFUNCTIONAL!!!

At the dawn,
Of a new day,
Fungal nail infection,
And chips,
With a side,
Of asbestos.
Nommies!

Bum his bum.
Arse his arse.
Faggot!
Adam’s apple.
Steve’s strawberry.
Barry’s banana.
Colin’s clementine.
Fist my pisshole.

Dickhead!

Fucking cunt!

Stupid pillock!

A little bit angry.