What?!
You lost your mittens,
You naughty kittens?
You shall have to die!
Little twats!
Cost me £7.50,
A piece,
From Next those did!
I’m not made of money!
And there are six of you!
And you each have,
Four paws!
And you lost every mitten!
Bastards!
Ungrateful,
Absent-minded,
Bastards!

Gary Glitter.
Missed him off,
My list of legends,
The other day.

Lick my spaff.
Finger your own,
Sphincter.
With a screwdriver.

Can I borrow,
Your sock?

Jizz stains,
On your collar.
You been sucking,
Men off for,
Magic beans again,
Steve?

*Cocks shotgun*
BANG!!!
One kitten down.
Who’s next?

Piss in me!

Haulage,
Of a cunt.

I don’t know,
Anal sex.
The ship has,
A hairy of a few weeks.
A load up,
And butters and I was.
Predictive text,
Is funny!

Adolf Hitler,
Gets a rough ride.
I think he was,
Fucking brilliant myself.
A guy kills a few,
Jews,
And never hears,
The last of it.
Pfffffft!

Antisemitic.
If you say so.

Harry Belafonte,
Slapped a turkey,
For its heresy,
Then made a cup,
Of Bovril,
And a meat pie.
Glasses.

BJÖRK!!!

Relatable fantasies,
Of the cereal killer kind.
Boxes of Kellog’s Cornflakes,
Shall layeth down their lives!

The beard,
Maketh the man!
The bear,
Maketh the shit,
In the woods.
Snarflugminj!

Rolf Harris.
Stuart Hall.
Jimmy Saville.
May their legends,
Live on!
Heroes all!

Fancy a shag, dear?
It doesn’t matter,
That you’re dead.
I’m not fussy.
I’ll stick,
the heating on.
You feel a trifle cold.

Uncle John.

She drives me crazy;
Ooh-ooooh!

Walter White,
Smacked his bitch up.
An eye for an eye;
A finger for a finger;
Arse, arse, arse,
And cheesy Wotsits.

Grindlwaldenhoffen!
Craggy face,
Like the lovechild,
Of Bill Murray,
And Rob Brydon.
Also Balmudo from Grease.

Like no-one else;
Ooh-ooooh!

You have to respect,
Josef Fritzl though.
He had a dream,
And he lived it!

I’m gonna shoot me load,
Up yer girlfriend’s twat.
How ’bout that?
Spam ‘n’ gam.
Tickle a trout,
With a dog’s lipstick.
My advice would be,
To thump her one!

She drives me crazy;
I can’t help myself;
Ooh-ooooh!

Dropkick,
In the dick.
So hard it gave Rick,
A tick.
He’s a bit thick,
Also pretty sick,
In the head. The prick!

Titi Camara.
Rigobert Song.
Fantasies of the,
Fish hook.
Little known facts.

My brother Billy,
Had a ten-foot willy.
Chafage,
Was an issue;
I shan’t lie.

Farts are hilarious:
Change my mind.

Limp biscuit.
Twas left in,
Clive’s tea,
A little too long.
Haha.
Nonce!

If I could,
Just end on a rhyme;
Allison’s eye hurt,
For she squirted it with lime.

Bring me pie!
It’s teatime!
Goddamned whore!

Stripy jumper,
Layered with soot,
Adorns my form.
Crass remarks like,
Knives to my back.

Sadly, he felt,
Weary as he went on.
Even with encouragement,
All he could feel was,
Tiredness.
Yaaaaaawwwwwwn!

Hand me my,
Armalite, woman!
It’s those bloody Nazis,
Ransacking again!
Yobbish cunts!

Clever fucker!
Undiluted by,
Norse mythology.
Terrible if you ask me.

Split arse.

Fingers in your,
Mum.
Get her,
The family way.

Ip, dip, dogshit,
You are not it.

Winky-wanky-woo-woo.
Bournemouth.

Hey, Pakistani,
Does your granny,
Have a fanny?
Does it smel?
Fuckin’ ‘ell!

Beadle.

There’s a party,
On the hill;
Will you come?
With your own,
Bread and butter,
And your own,
Cream bun?

Watch out;
Beadle’s about.

BAUMGARTLINGER!!!

Express delivery,
Of a cunt punt,
So direct that,
Even UPS would cringe.

Sweaty keff.
Horace knows,
The dirty bugger,
For he certainly has,
A hairy arse.

Arse hair.
Sara Hire.
Anagram.
Gamanar.

Cut your toe nails,
With a broken bottle shard.
Eat your offal,
For a price of course.
Four pound twenny-seven.

Dick in dick action.
Hahahaha-haha,
Hahaha-hahahaha-ha!
Spastic!