Only Mongs—Call Football Soccer

As a card carrying,
Leek eating,
Sheep shagging,
Welshman,
My hatred for,
The Scottish,
The Irish,
And especially,
The fucking English (🤮),
Knows no bounds.

But fuck me!
At least they,
Call football,
By it’s proper name,
Unlike those,
Fucking Yank,
Mouth breathers!

American football,
Which is shit,
And a pussy version,
Of rugby league,
By the by,
Is the other football,
And must always,
ALWAYS,
Be preceded,
By the word,
American.

Nothing against Americans,
In general like,
Just stop,
Fucking,
Calling,
Football,
Soccer!

Heavens to Betsy!

Cunt Stubble—Dredging My Bathwater

Insufficient funds;
Insufficient funds;
After partying hard,
With all the nuns,
You’ve got insufficient funds.

Tophat,
Top Cat,
Top Scat.

Holsten Pils,
For Da Bwoyz!

The Rape of Aphrodite;
She loved it,
On the sly,
And Zeus knew it.
And Hades.
And Poseidon.
And Dionysus.
Even Morpheus had a go.
No, not that Morpheus.

Agent Smith’s foreskin.

Twenty-fourskin.

Madeline McCann;
Hide and Seek,
Champion of the World.
Nope!
Amelia Earhart is,
Ackshully!

I can’t apologise,
To all I’ve offended,
For I’m not sorry.
*Shrugs*

Word of the Day—AABBABA

After night fell,
Langoustines,
Luscious and… erm, nice.

Flip the switch;
Love thyself.
I reckon not!
Get rekt,
Harrison Bungmuggle!
Twat!

After day broke,
Lychees,
Limpid and… uuuuh, stuff.

Titicaca,
Hounds my,
Every waking nightmare.

Terrible things,
I fantasised,
Much to,
Ethel’s dismay.

ASPERGER’S!
Not on my watch,
Degenerate!

A-ha-ha-ha-ha-haaaaaaa!

Love me, love me;
I don’t fucking think so,
Timmy Thimplewhacker!
Tonight,
Leave me alone to,
Empty my colon.

Bullscheiße!
It’s stuck in my,
Testicles!

Oh, wait…
Fuck, I meant my piss hole.

So, as this chapter closes,
How would you feel,
If I farted on your tits?
Today was special!

Today was so special!

A Big, Gay Party—On Epstein Island

Touch her shoulder,
And draw her near.
A deep, deep breath;
The scent of her hair,
Will linger in your senses.
An enduring memory.

Off to Staples,
To buy some printer paper.
What do you mean,
It’s shut down?
I have photos of,
(Sexy kids),
My dead wife to print out!
UGH!!!!!!
Dickhead!

And now,
Ladies and gentlemen,
A rhyme:
Big, hairy bum,
And a bucketful of cum.

It’s the final wipedown.
Why has nobody,
In the history of cinema,
Made a horror movie,
Called The Scarecase?
A movie,
About a scary staircase?
There’s one for you,
To chew over.

Pißflaps.

Yo-Ho-Ho—And a Snatch Full o’ Cum

All the best,
For the rest,
Of course I,
Will do you.
Predictive text there 😃👍🏻

Ow ow;
Ow-ow, ow ow;
Ow-ow, ow ow;
Ow-ow—
Techno, techno, techno, techno,
Prisoners!

Big fuckin’ tits, boyo!

Panda shit,
Forced Muhammad’s hand,
Down the knickers,
Of the minor.
Shocker!

Wakey, wakey,
Eggs & Baker.
Bucks Fizz.
Making Your Mind Up.
Eurovision Song Contest.
Urethra.

Brick the toilet wall.
I’m sorry,
I’m a twat,
Ten times.

There’s no limit!

The Woman Who Sucked—Dick For A Fag

It was worth it,
For that sweet,
Nicotine hit.

Be honest:
How many of you,
Thought I meant,
Homosexual,
When I said fag?

Lol.

A mouthful of jizz.
For one cigarette.
Fucking slag!

Never one,
To be upstaged,
Little Tommy Two-Shits,
Sucked him off,
Twice,
For one fag.
Winning!

The lesson here,
Is,
That,
Men will always,
Beat women.
Even at sucking cock!

Fuck me,
I hope this triggers,
A sensitive little bitch,
Or two.

Lol.

Ripping The—Head Off It

George of the Jungle,
Visited Cairo,
And got his balls,
Caught on a fence spike.

Tooting & Mitcham.
Erith & Belvedere.
Hampton & Richmond.
Havant & Waterlooville.
Lambert & Butler.
Richard & Judy.
Tits & Arse.
Piss off!

A dog,
Licks peanut butter,
Off my dickhead.
I spaff,
In its mouth.
10/10.
Would recommend.

The Queen is dead;
Long live the spastic.

In the arse,
Out of the nose.
A shit smear deposited,
On your left nostril.
Lick it off.
Mmmmmmmmmm…
Ecoli!

Covid.
Did you get jabbed?
Well,
Aren’t you a retard?

Bollock hair.

Dead Babies—A Love Story

Bilschuffëndyke!

A horse’s bollock;
Trembling titty.
Get in the sea!

Gangrene,
Of the left cunt lip.

Knob custard,
And man fat.
Brick the toilet wall,
With the farts,
Of an imam.
Piss inside her muff,
And suck,
Her dad’s helmet.
You dirty nonce!

Fap to this:
A kitten,
With its throat slit.
Who’s the weirdo now?

All I did,
Was eat a lime wedge.
Is that really,
Truly,
Honestly,
A sackable offence?

Sack.

Past Participle—Welcome to Billinge

I took your method,
And made it better.
The fuck you gonna,
Do about it,
Dave Samuals?

Imitation,
Is the finest form,
Of flattery,
Until the student,
Becomes the master.
I transcended mastery,
And became omnipotent!

Anyway,
Onto more,
Serious matters;
Dog farts.
They taste great.

Crimea should surely,
Be the crime capital,
Of the world,
But Liverpool exists.
You’ll never walk alone,
On a dark street,
And your wallet,
Be safe from a scrote.

Scousers 🤮

S****horpe—Back, Sack, and Crackpipe

Can I borrow,
Your sock?

There once was,
A vicar called Reg,
Who ate an,
Awful lot of veg.
His tits were droopy,
His mum was loopy,
And he liked,
To finger her arsehole,
On occasion.

I’m extremely attractive.
But I smell,
Of leeks,
And sheep shit.
Because I’m Welsh.

Snort a line,
Off my shaft.
Then bum,
My bum.

A shout-out,
To my homies,
The non-binary guys:
You’re weird cunts,
And you need,
To fuck off!
Cretins!