One-upmanship–The Ballad of Tommy Two-Shits

Little Tommy Two-Shits;
He’s better than you!
If you’ve been for one shit,
He’s been for two.

Spam sandwiches,
A cup of bovril,
And a wank.

It’s Thumpy Ballbag Time!
Jim McDonald,
Flashed his tits,
At passing OAPs.
Oh, how they laughed!

It’s Fisty Bellend Time
Vaginal bleeding.
Anal seepage.
I’m not very good at,
(Sex),
Most things.

Chocolate starfish.
Harpies!
Everywhere you go,
There’s a chip shop.

Little Tommy Two-Shits;
He’s better than you!
If you’ve been for one shit,
He’s been for two.