Tag: Welsh

One-upmanship–The Ballad of Tommy Two-Shits

Little Tommy Two-Shits;
He’s better than you!
If you’ve been for one shit,
He’s been for two.

Spam sandwiches,
A cup of bovril,
And a wank.

It’s Thumpy Ballbag Time!
Jim McDonald,
Flashed his tits,
At passing OAPs.
Oh, how they laughed!

It’s Fisty Bellend Time
Vaginal bleeding.
Anal seepage.
I’m not very good at,
(Sex),
Most things.

Chocolate starfish.
Harpies!
Everywhere you go,
There’s a chip shop.

Little Tommy Two-Shits;
He’s better than you!
If you’ve been for one shit,
He’s been for two.

The Idiot–Who Assumed Itself Smart

Fill up my bowl,
With Cheerios.
Shit in your hand,
And clap.

The skanky trollop,
Liked to be called,
A slut,
Until she got,
Treated like one,
Then it wasn’t,
Okay.

Hahahaha!
Bellend!

Be careful,
What you wish for.
Dreams may,
Become reality,
Then,
The nightmare starts.

I’ll be there,
To cackle mockingly.

I Wasn’t Going To Post This–But Fuck It…

Fuck it!
All of it!
It’s all bollocks!
Fuck you too!
Stop pretending,
You care,
Whether I live,
Or whether I die.
You don’t!

Tired of feeling invisible,
Worthless,
A non-entity.
I didn’t ask for this;
Life.
It was given to me,
Sans choice,
And I’m told,
I should appreciate it.
Appreciate my cock!
Clueless cunts!

It’s not fair,
That I have to,
Keep on existing,
Because I’m told,
I should.

I’m already dead,
It just hasn’t,
Been confirmed…
Yet.

Yet…

Lonely Desk–Joan Can’t Find Her Timepiece

Hi,
Barry Scott here,
Asking if you have trouble,
With limescale,
Rust,
Ground-in dirt?
They’re a challenge,
For some,
household cleaners,
But not,
For Cillit Bang!

Rusty Shackleford.
A pair of knickers,
Fought for liberation,
In the south of France.
Sacrebleu!

Yes sir;
No sir;
Three bags full sir.
Two girls,
One cup.

I hate myself,
And I want to die.

Shop talk,
Got boring,
For Wilf.
So, he shot his manager,
In the kneecap.

Bang!
And the dirt is gone!

Mental Swirls–Ray From Ghostbusters

Falling from heaven,
Like a wingless angel,
That cannot take flight,
With a massive cock!
The helicopter trick,
Isn’t working.
Oh, fuck!

On a more,
Sensible note,
Hitler wasn’t all bad.

I might have a wa—
Finished!

Empty balls.
Now what?
A poem.
I am a,
Poeming genius,
After all.

Stand and deliver.
Stan and Ann do liver.
Saddam Hussain.
Sad and insane.
Pretty much, yeah!