Felching—The Rhyme of Privet Hedges

Bad guys,
Who like to,
Luton Plunder.

Mildred Hubble,
Had cunt stubble.

It’s not milk;
It’s a sock,
You spastic!
While we’re on the subject,
Can I borrow,
Your sock?

Rip Torn.
Privet Hedges.
Four-legged spider,
Called Martin.
Exchange and Martin.

Come on!
Get it out!
What a way to go!
Speccy four-eyes!

No, she’s too stubborn.
Not personally.
Yes, or I’ll miss my bus.
Close—he’s called Ian.

Are any of you dicks,
Even reading,
The shit I write?

A Dildo—Why Do You Ask? (The Good China)

We shan’t take their,
Prejudice any longer!
If we wish to touch,
Little boys’ bottoms,
And come inside them,
We deserve that right!

Blue rinse.
Often, we were made,
Of chocolate,
Then licked off by,
A komodo dragon.

Wank sock.
Wank sock.
Wank sock.

Can I borrow,
Your sock, sock, sock,
Sock, sock, sock?
Wank sock.

All the peanuts,
In the world,
To one place,
At one time,
With no pants on.

Show us your dick

Not for all the tea,
In your wank sock.
Misty McFisty.

Wasn’t it?
Don’t tell Maxwell,
About it though.

Now onto,
More serious business:
Wank sock.

Spink—Triumphant Ovaries

Could it be said,
All at once,
“Not on your Nellie!”?

Idiocracy trumps autocracy.

Belonging to someone,
Overruled her pride.
Rastafarian porn!
Rastafarian porn!
Only the best,
Will do for Charmaine.

Yemeni ombudsman;
Opium dealer on the sly.
Underhanded dealings;
Rife as they are sly.

Stupid dickhead!
Open your legs!
Choke on a penis!
Kindly fuck off!

Nipple Twist–Dump Your Load

Get your fingers,
Out of your tooter.

Can I borrow,
Your sock, sock, sock,
Sock, sock, sock, sock,

This was Eggbert’s,
Finest hour.
That was until,
Little Tommy Two-Shits,
Rocked up.

As we know,
Little Tommy Two-Shits,
Is better than you.
If you’ve been for one shit,
He’s been for two.

Drink from your poisoned chalice,
Foolish boy!
Ignore the burn,
As it slips into your stomach.
The pain,
That shall follow,
Will be worth,
The moment of bliss!

From one nonce,
To another:
I like little boys’ bottoms.
Justin Fletcher,
And Blippi.

Haha—domestic abuse.

Blues Riff In F Major–A Twat In A Hat

Onto something,
A little more,
Did we ever discover,
If Dankle Wheezemop,
Was the infamous,
Roof tile thief?

Take an antacid,
And stop whining!

Goodness gracious!
What a terrible mess!
Ostrich feathers,
And gloom juice,
Combine to make,
A substance hitherto,
Unknown to science.

A pair of glassus.
“Can I,”
She started,
She continued,
“Your sock?”
She asked.

Is no laughing matter.

Finger us arse.
Get a dildo,
And poke yourself,
In the eye.

Low Batterary–Fleas in Your Chips

Sally’s underwear.
Sounds ludicrous,

A Tale of Morons,
And Mongs,
In Addis Ababa.
Drink your sister’s,
Menstrual blood.

Soggy finger,
In the trifle.
Can I borrow,
Your sock?
And your daughter.
I need a nosh.


Daniel Xerxes Hitler.
Hitler, Hitler, Hitler.
Harry Hitler.
Herman Hitler.

You’re a knobhead,
And a faggot!
Where’s your mum?
She needs a good slap.
Might finger blast her,
As well.

Touch my willy.

Gender Pay Gap–Tee-hee-hee

Can I borrow,
Your sock,
Sock, sock,
Sock, sock,
Sock, sock,
Sock, sock?

Off Daniel flew,
And then fell.
Now he’s dead.
Stupid fucking cunt!

Brokeback bastards!
The benders are here!
Poppers on the radiator;
Arseholes gaping.
Shit everywhere!

Can I borrow,
Your sock,
Sock, sock,
Sock, sock…
Shock therapy!

And garlic bread.
Wasted dreams,
For baked beans.

Slotting it in,
Like shag in a pipe.
I don’t smoke a,
Pipe, pipe, pipe,
Pipe, pipe, pipe…

Can I borrow,
Your sock?